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Thursday, March 4, 2010

Tiny Mantras

Back in October several events came together to completely change my approach to life. My best friend from high school with whom I had been estranged from since high school died suddenly before we could reconcile our differences. At her funeral I saw her family and many of our old mutual friends for the first time in six years. It was very difficult. I had never known anyone who died simply due to an accident. There is a senselessness to such a tragedy that isn't as present when a death is caused by mental or physical illness. It shoves the fact that death can come upon you with no warning, rhyme or reason in your face. And, there is no comfort to be drawn from the knowledge that at least the person is no longer suffering. As I am a fairly self-aware human being, it was impossible to have such an event happen in my life, and not immediately be forced to confront my existential demons. Dealing with my friend's death catalyzed a series of events that have forever changed the course of my life.

There have been many stages already in both my grief, and my efforts to make more of my life. There's been automatic reactions, deliberate actions, bad decisions, good choices, extroversion, introversion, self-deprecation, ego trips, high levels of joy, and trenches of doubt. Somehow through all the madness and insomnia, lessons are being learned. I've begun to conceptualize who I want to be as an adult, and how I want to live my life based on a few short phrases. They are a work in progress, and probably will be until I die. However, I feel with great passion that living my life by guidelines like these will make me a better person and the world a better place. They turn over and over in my mind, like tiny mantras, like stones caught in the tides of my life. At least the current inception includes the following five points that I have interpreted into my own cheesy motivational poster. I know it's contrived, but its helpful, and I like it.



In the next few weeks I will be writing posts for each of these tiny mantras to expand and explain what they mean to me. I hope you find them helpful, or at the very least intriguing.

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